It’s Valentine’s Day, and it’s a day that’s supposed to be about celebrating love. Well, if you know me well enough, you know that I hate – hate – virtually any and all holidays/observances. To think that there should be a special day dedicated to something that I should be mindful of each and every day seems ludicrous to me. Probably the most inane holidays to me are Christmas and Valentine’s. Do I really need a special occasion to focus the energies that I should be devoting each and every day on my Lord or significant other? And, that anything short of those deserved efforts is essentially lack of appreciation.
But the truth of the matter is, whether it is a byproduct of the centrifugal force started by the Big Bang (the moment CAR and I first got together), or partially/wholly by my egocentric focus and general lack of attentiveness, there does need to be a day to refocus me on CAR and the love I have for her.
As many know, CAR and I met due to my horniness, charm and the good fortune of having some common Judson connections. From the time we began talking to the time we knew we wanted to get married at most was ~ two months. Within another three months, she had moved in. Within another five months, we were married and pregnant. Tack on another pregnancy with several months after the first popped out, microwave, and here we are. Thus, justifiably or not, we really rarely get to focus on each other – justifiably or not. Between everything that goes along with kids, managing the finances of a single income family, etc. we are all too often consumed by life instead of enjoying each moment with each other.
The few days a week, if any at all, that we get to spend with each other, I can tell that we appreciate the other more than we do at any other time during the week – because nothing else is going on except us being a family. Bedtimes are relaxed, because our schedules are relaxed. The kids know that dad will be up on weekend mornings cooking breakfast. The days that ROS wakes up and asks, “Where is my daddy?” are a lot less fun for everyone than when I am at home. I have more energy, and I don’t have to balance play time with the kids, couple time with CAR, or trying to refresh on my own.
During all of this CAR is the glue that holds everything together – from the kids, to me, to the finances – everything. Each day, CAR gets little other than complimentary and obligatory praise from the three of us. In retrospect, I think one of the cruelest jokes I’ve recently made was daydreaming about our life if we had “waited” to have kids. A household flush with cash, a happening night life, vacations, our pre-pregnant bodies were all mentioned in my joke.
The truth is that CAR has sacrificed the most for our family and gets the least amount of appreciation. Yeah, my job sucks, but at the same time its not like anything has held me back from getting another one other than the shitty job market and some horrible interviews on my part – that and a few hundred thousand Alabama Democrats. CAR left her home, job, family (though ours is much better), youth and comfort to love me, ROS and FAS.
All of the sex, booze, gifts and niceties of one day or 365 cannot in any way symbolize my love, appreciation and respect for CAR. I’m grateful for Valentine’s Day because it does give me the slap in the face that I need daily to get off my ass and tell CAR how much I love her and how much she does for me.
I regret every day that’s passed which I have not, for whatever reason, told CAR how I truly feel about her.
I was looking for an easy, routine lay from some hot girl that I first found. Little did I know that I'd find my soul-mate. By that time she became my spiritual partner for life. I still think CAR is crazy, sexy, cool. And, she is the one that puts a bounce in my step and my bed. She saved me from myself, and each day she gives me reason for living, and living in a relative state of sobriety.
At times we've struggled with each other, and life with each other. But I can't imagine a moment forward in my life without her. She's more than I was looking for, she's exactly what I needed, she fills perfectly the imperfect parts of me.
***Special citation to Tiffany Self Lopez who suggested that I submit a blog on Valentine's Day.